it was here this whole time

Prepare yourself for a picture less post. *sigh*

For once, I don’t have a fun story or event to write about but just thoughts. So let’s see how well this goes.

I realized today adulthood is very sneaky. It creeps up on you. Just lurking in the distance waiting for the signal to move in. For some of us, it comes early. You start your family at a young age, or you decide early on the career your destined to have, like being a doctor or a scientist. For the others, like me, it just SLOWLY builds. I’ve always been a floater. I graduated high school, barely, not because of academic issues but because I no longer lived at home, and chose to not attend as much as required. That’s a different story though. I didn’t go to college, in fact, I didn’t even apply anywhere. I moved the weekend I graduated to another city, started a new job, met new people and just lived life. I went through many relationships, some serious, some not. Friends came and went. Jobs did the same. I moved all throughout the northwest, never really staying in the same place for longer than a year or two. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any regrets. Our pasts make us who we are.

I eventually got things right. I got pregnant and welcomed into the world a beautiful amazing little girl. I met a wonderful and loving man who I now call my husband. We bought a house, had a dream come true wedding, and are welcoming our second baby soon. Real grown up stuff.

But it wasn’t until this afternoon, during a conversation with my husband, that I realized… I forgot that I’m an adult.

I know that sounds ridiculous. I’ve been an adult for quite some. I turn 29 this year. Which I realize is still very young, but my sister and I have a 10 year gap between us, so when I think about someone turning 30, I feel like it should be her, not me. I’m still supposed to be the 20 year old little sister right?!

Not even close. This all stems from the conversation earlier that Andy and I were having. Hayden had her 3 year well check today, and while she’s right where she needs to be, it motivated us to discuss areas where we can push more. Like having a routine. Which is clearly hard for me to do. I’m all over the place. With a second child coming though, we are really going to have to have some type of schedule. So Hayden is learning all that she should and more, so we all get that needed alone time, and so our soon to be family of four can actually function on a day to day basis successfully.

That’s when it hit me. “I forgot that I’m an adult.” I of course got a strange look from across the table. But’s it absolutely true. Somewhere along the line, I became a mother, a wife, a home maker. I have vivid and fond memories growing up of our routines. I grew up in a religious family so we had several days a week with spiritual obligations. Thursday was usually always bathroom cleaning day. Saturday afternoons were reserved for dreaded yard work. Sunday night was left over night. Laundry was primarily always done on the weekends. As I got older, it became so rare to have a cooked meal on a Friday night. El Sombrero across the street expected our order and always had that extra salsa ready for us. It hadn’t occurred to me that I was still just associating all these things as memories from growing up instead of realizing that it was something that was done in order to make our family life work.

Now it’s my turn. And it’s sooooo scary. I’m probably going to have to write this stuff down, like have an actual schedule of events just so I can remember it all. I just might have to force myself to pick a certain day to do laundry, and not wait until it’s a life form of it’s own, attacking my legs as I go in and out of my bedroom. Part of my life might actually be predictable! Waking up at the same time every day could resurface. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

As a kid, you do all these things to feel like a grown up. You place house, you dress up, pretend to go work or school. I would imagine where I worked and who I would marry. What my kids would be like. Driving a car seemed like the best thing that was ever going to happen to me.

You don’t think as an adult you’ll be doing the opposite. Wishing you could just sleep in and watch movies all day. Not worry about bills or appointments, and literally just run and play all day outside. Eat that giant cheeseburger and fries and not think for a minute that your going to have to spend an extra hour on the treadmill now. I’ve continued to just live each day, not one day being the same. While that’s not a bad thing, it’s also time to step and fully embrace being an adult with a family. For real.

Make budgets and dinner menu’s for the week. Have an actual grocery list for what we need instead of aimlessly wandering the store and throwing in whatever seems good. Doing my laundry start to finish instead of washing and drying 7 loads of laundry and then it lives at the end of my bed for a week. Getting chores done altogether so that I have full days to do crafts and projects instead of doing something fun instead, and the leftovers in my fridge start to grow limbs and fur. I’m really selling myself here on all my spectacular qualities. Good thing I’m already married. Sheesh.

I’m totally open to suggestions here people, especially to those peeps with little people at home. ESPECIALLY those peeps with heeps of little people at home, I know you guys have the good stuff when it comes to routines. Wish me luck with my new venture here, and for all those who have yet to have your awakening. You might not know when but it’s coming….

One thought on “it was here this whole time

  1. I completely get what you are saying! I was very young when I started my family and had 3 kids by the time I was 23 and we were constantly moving around and Shawn wasn’t around a lot to help because of his job, which didn’t make it easier. I can’t say I was an expert or even good at it in the beginning, but over time things got better. I have ADD and sometimes ADHD and so schedules and lists are super important to me because I can get overstimulated very easily and then overwhelmed, which doesn’t do me or anyone any good. I had to force myself to create a routine, but a routine that was flexible enough to go with the flow if there were unexpected snafus as there always are (which is where having ADD and a huge ability to multi task comes in handy). For the kids, I would have a set schedule every day as far as time to get up, breakfast, nap, playtime, etc. For housework, I would set a different day for each task (which I still use now). For example: Mondays, scrub the kitchen/dining room, mop the floors, and laundry; Tuesday: clean all the bathrooms and grocery shop; Wednesday: vacuum and clean/dust the living room and laundry; Thursday: clean the bedrooms; Friday: anything else that is left over. Having a day set aside really helps because then you know, oh today is Thursday, it’s time for…

    Also, involving Hayden in the schedule and chores is an extremely postive way for you to get a tad help, while teaching her many great lessons and spending quality time together. You could show her the calendar and say today is Monday, what are we to do? When I was little, my mom’s big cleaning day was on Wednesdays and she would always wear a handkerchief on her head and she would put one on mine and I would follow her around with my little broom and dust cloth (of course now, I blast my 80s music and sing and dance as I clean lol).

    When the baby comes, it does throw things a little off, but…when Lauren came along, Matt was 3 and already used to getting up at a certain time (I think 7:30 or 8?), having breakfast, Barney, snack, playtime, lunch, nap, etc. When I said it’s time for nap, he just went. With Lauren, I would just put her in her bassinet, crib, or little seat if I had to do something for Matt and she was awake. The seat was great because I could take her room to room.

    Let me say this: You are an AMAZING, WONDERFUL mother and human being in general and you will do GREAT! There will be frustrating times, I won’t lie, but you will get through those times! And…I am always here if you need to talk or vent or need a break. 🙂

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