I haven’t posted in some time. It’s definitely from lack of motivation as opposed to not enough material to write about. Perhaps that lack of motivation is because I turned THIRTY this month!
Thirty doesn’t seem much different than 29, with the exception that I have this overwhelming feeling I need to get my sh** together. Sure, I have a home and a family and goals. That’s pushing it, I have a home and a family. But in your 20’s you feel as though your sort of invincible. You can get away with making really stupid decisions because your just a dumb 22 year old. But giving someone in traffic the middle finger when you have your two young children in the car? Just doesn’t seem acceptable anymore. Or eating those 4 extra slices of cake. You want to believe you have this youthful metabolism, and then two days later your pants don’t fit. While time is still very much on my side, I might work a little harder at achieving some things I mentioned earlier, goals.
I have spectacular friends and family who have celebrated with me all month. A husband who sent me flowers and chocolates on my birthday since he wasn’t home to celebrate. Dinner and drinks with my ladies during the week and the absolute BEST surprise party ever.
Any one who knows me, understands my love for Jimmy Fallon. So a Tonight Show party was the greatest idea ever and my friends and family pulled it off beautifully. It was a night for the books.
I am very lucky to have a group of people around that are so hilarious. They all dressed up and played ridiculous games with me and made me feel incredible.
The weekend after I took my first solo trip ever since having kids to visit my best friend/sister in law, who is getting married this spring. We had a quick weekend planned to go dress shopping and squeeze in as much as we could in the 72 hours we had together. I got to see my favorite familiar faces. Meet new tiny ones. Dance and drink the night away at old stomping grounds and see one of my favorite peeps play music live. I ate my heart out at my favorite restaurants and was honored to take some pictures and capture a little piece of a love story that’s dear to my heart. These guys are really special to me.
It’s been an eventful and exciting month and has made me realize that there isn’t anything else I need in this world. Except maybe a few more beach days.
When I imagined turning thirty when I was, say 20, I thought I would feel distinguished. Refined. Sophisticated. While I have moments when I feel those things, one thing getting older has taught me has been to really hone in what makes you a human being. A being that feels like you are complete and at peace with your existence. Which is a lot harder than one would think. I spent years trying to make aspects of my life like someone else’s. Small details, like how I dressed or talked. What music I listened to. Etc. Then I got married. And even when you don’t notice it, you attempt to make small details of your spouse more in tune with what you picture to be this ideal relationship. I started a family and those subtleties crept into the daily lives of my children. Buying every trendy outfit I saw on Instagram. Documenting and hashtagging their every move. Do you know how many You Tube videos you need to watch on how to pencil in your eyebrows before you feel like an idiot? For me, it was around 10. Then it all comes full circle when you spent $60 on an outfit for your toddler, that they have worn one time because it was so expensive you don’t want to ruin it, and let’s face it, that kid ruins everything he touches. And your husband you can tell really wants to strangle you but doesn’t because, well the obvious reasons. I hold nothing against those that choose to do such things but for me personally it made me realize, I’m doing things for all the wrong reasons. I love supporting small businesses and local, but it was deeper than that. Do I really care how cute my kids look? Sure, but what really matters is, do they know how much I love them? Do they know that it’s okay to be unique and silly and independent? It’s easy to live a cookie cutter lifestyle and buy everything you need to have this picturesque family and home life. What’s hard? Building it from the inside out. Being strong and fearless and not giving in to peoples expectations and living your life like you want. Putting yourself in the drivers seat and taking the road less traveled is scary, and a lot of work and forces you to think outside the box. But in doing so, I’ve learned it pushes me to be creative in the best way possible. When I compare myself to no one, it’s so much simpler to deal with letdowns. There is no mold for me, so when I make mistakes, I grow and learn and move on. I’ve realized I need to step back from social media and acknowledge it’s only there for my entertainment and inspiration. Because it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that when I let it consume my day, it chokes out everything that makes me who I am as a person. That might seem dramatic but it’s true. I start to compare my clothing, my makeup, my house, how smart my kids are, and every other stupid detail that no one should care about. I want to see what my friends are up to, what adventure my sister in on, the amazing pictures my brother in law takes, where in the country my brother is. The silly things my husband posts at work and the hilarious videos my sister in law finds that I can laugh cry myself to sleep at night with. It’s taken thirty years to discover that when you take off the rose colored glasses, life is raw and beautiful. You’ll appreciate what makes your life real and meaningful and you’ll see it’s so much easier to just be yourself instead of what you think you should be. Own it. Embrace it. Respect it. I have a snaggle tooth because I didn’t wear my retainer after I had braces and most mornings my hair makes me look like Earl McCracken. I still have to count on my fingers and am REALLY bad at keeping my car cleaned out. I let my children be wild and destructive at times because I’m tired and don’t want to deal with it. I’m notorious for leaving clothes in the dryer for days before folding it, and more often than not I get defensive before I’ll admit I’m wrong. But you know what? I’m a pretty good cook, am rather crafty and give really good back rubs. I’m good at finding awesome scores when thrift store shopping and can make a mean mango margarita. I’m an amateur photographer and have a decent green thumb. I am far from perfect but am perfectly okay with that.