reflection

Only a few hours left of 2014. It’s a quiet one at our house. The littles and I made pizza and had fun party drinks, and as Reid gets some much needed sleep, Hayden and I are catching up on our favorite episodes of FRIENDS.

All day today my Instagram feed has been filled with New Years Eve wishes and my favorite blogs have reminisced and written about their hopes for the new year. Which leads me to mine. I think most of us have a lot of the same resolutions. Eat better, work out more, don’t spend so much money on useless things, and probably learn a new language or something. My actual focus though is about self reflection and evolving as a person. Sure I have baby weight to lose, and I really didn’t need to eat half of a pizza tonight along with a couple no bake cookies. I haven’t made it to the gym in months and I’m positive that Target will survive if I take a break from shopping there.

What I’m truly struggling with is soaking in all the moments that matter. Having two kids is hard. Having one kid is hard, and more than two… I won’t even go there. I find myself tired and stressed most days and not a very friendly person to be around on more occasions than I care to mention. But instead of appreciating the challenges and rewards of raising a family, I worry about all the little things. The dishes that aren’t done. The laundry that’s gone unfolded for a week. The spare bedroom that is so jammed with junk you can barely open the door. I have countless projects unfinished and motivation for most things is zilch. What should really matter to me? Hayden’s creativity and ability to make me laugh. She starts school next year and soon my little sidekick won’t be around as much and I know it will be a hard adjustment. Reid is almost 5 months old and changing daily. While we don’t have any solid plans for the future, there is the strong possibility that our family of 4 will suite us just perfectly. I need to be gobbling up all his baby moments because they could be my last ones. I have a loving and caring husband who is so understanding and patient with this sleep deprived woman. He deserves so much more than barely 5 minutes of my undivided attention and more praise than I could ever give him.

I started this blog as a way to share with my family and as a creative outlet for myself. Thank you to all you wonderful readers that have read and commented. Your feedback and input is always appreciated and I have so many great ideas for this blog in the upcoming year!

With none of my shows airing current episodes, I’ve been binge watching Netflix movies. I’ve seen Eat Pray Love numerous times but for some reason a quote stood out to me the other day. Julia Roberts is eating pizza, and her friend is concerned that she’s put on so much weight since they’ve been there, and doesn’t want to eat. Julia responds:

I’m so tired of saying no and waking up in the morning and recalling every single calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to taking into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza and then we’re going to go watch the soccer game and tomorrow we’re going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger pants.”

Now while I’m not using the comparison to myself and losing weight, it’s a metaphor that I need. Be done with the guilt. Look beyond what I feel is so worthy of my stressing, and just breathe and move on. “Buy some bigger pants” per se. Housework can wait another day. No cares but me that my shirt is wrinkled and my hair is in a bun for the third day in a row. My friends are understanding that I’m wore out and I’m content to be in sweatpants and watch ridiculous shows with them, like People’s Couch. My children aren’t going to remember that the bathrooms were always clean. They will remember when we go swimming at the indoor water park, the one with the pirate ship and giant mushroom. When we make cookies and decorate them with so much frosting they are barely edible. That daddy was always there at the bottom of the sledding hill with the four wheeler so they didn’t have to trek all the way back up time and time again. That bedtimes came and went because we were to busy giggling and telling jokes under the covers. And my husband still welcomes my affection even when I’m covered in baby puke and could really REALLY use a shower.

I’m looking forward to having another amazing year to experience with my family and wishing all of you the very same. Hope you all have a safe and joyous start to the new year. And just maybe tomorrow you go out and buy yourself a bigger pair of pants. >insert smiley face<

One thought on “reflection

  1. You are a fantastic writer. Your words…So even, so truthful, so funny, so real, so grateful and extremely thought provoking! I look forward to each lesson!

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