Category: Uncategorized

This last week was just not in my favor. I had a baby with a serious sleep strike going on. I woke up each day irritable and short tempered. That attitude overflowed onto everything I did. It seemed as if the kids were intentionally being terrors and trying to get under my skin, when the reality is that I was just acting like an asshole and being a bad mood Betty was the cause of all my strife. After a day where all hell broke loose, instead of pouring myself a stiff drink that night, I filled up a large glass with water and raised my white flag. I went to bed early and defeated and tried to be very intentional with my thoughts when I fell asleep; that tomorrow would be a better day.

I woke up, still cranky, but determined to get this monkey off my back. While still chilly, we have had some incredible weather lately, and I had an itch to get out and shoot. I figured fresh air and a heavy dose of vitamin D could cure my blues. Sharky hopped in the back of the car and we left the house early afternoon, just as both boys were ready for a nap. The setup seemed perfect. They both fell asleep quickly. The warm sunshine beaming through the windows, and the open road ahead of me, it was bound to be a success.

The boys slept the entire time and while I didn’t get off the beaten path to much, there were plenty of places for me to stop and let the dog roam free and stretch, and for me to crawl on top of the car and shoot.

I felt refreshed. I felt renewed. No one will contest that spring in Alaska isn’t beautiful. I came home pleased with the shots I had and happy to have something to edit that night. Noticing though that I needed to clean my screen. I did my very best to hold off letting the kids use my IPad, but I eventually broke down and they are allowed to watch on it at times. Consequently, their grubby little fingerprints covered my screen.

We got ready for bed that evening, all of us cheerful from the days activities. I tucked Hayden in and whispered that if she got up early the next morning, that I would let her skip the school bus and take her to school. Stopping to get breakfast on the way. Who wouldn’t have sweet dreams thinking of McDonalds breakfast!?

I grabbed my camera on our way out of the door, knowing that I could probably get a couple chances at some great morning light, while we burned off some time before that 9 am drop off.

Man. I felt so productive and proud that I had turned my bad week around. Until I noticed when I went to post the photo above on social media. I had cleaned my IPad screen, yet that pesky spot I had noticed on my photos from last night was still there. With a sinking feeling, I grabbed my camera and quickly scrolled back through all my latest photos. That spot was on all my shots. That smudge was not on my IPad but on my FREAKING LENS!

I spent the next few minutes cleaning my lens and wallowing in self pity. I was heartbroken that my photos now had a flaw that was completely preventable and my own fault. I scrapped the Instagram post I had started and removed the other photos from the Scrapbook Sunday post they were set to be in. Ugh.

That smudge nagged me all day. The smudge had teamed up with the monkey and made their way to my back.

It took me a while to realize that my own perspective was the cause of my frustration. There is a solid chance that most of you won’t even notice the spot. Or if you do, it’s not as distracting to you as it is to me. Perhaps this was the universe trying to tell me to get over myself. There isn’t a single person out there who doesn’t have struggles. Our imperfections and flaws are what make us original. Unlike anyone else. My baby who can’t sleep through the night will grow into a toddler who wants to sneak into my bed. Soon, school age and arguing about bedtimes. My three year old that gets into all sorts of mischief will eventually be to busy with his own life to need me to clean up his messes. That little spot that “ruined” a few photos is insignificant. I didn’t leave the house that day with the intent of getting award winning photos. I needed a fresh start, and I got it. Maybe that’s what our imperfections are there for. Reasons to make us step back and realize when we need a fresh start. And if that’s the case, things are going to stay fresh around here for a long time. 🙂

My original plan was something along the lines of ‘”Our Tropical Vacation” but I wanted to add a little more drama to it; catch your attention. Did it work? 🙂

It has taken me longer than I expected to get this post done, but it’s been nice to have time to unwind and get back in my groove. Looking back at pictures now that it’s been a few weeks, makes me appreciate the time we had away from home even more.

The idea behind this trip started after we returned home from our last escape from Alaska. Having just gotten back from the northwest, we were still eager to get a break from winter. Andy was working nights, and in his spare moments texting me throughout the evening. A couple days shy of New Years and we both agreed we still had an itch for a warm vacation. On a whim, I searched Airbnbs in Hawaii and stumbled upon on what was a pretty incredible deal. I forwarded it to Andy to have a look. Never having been the one to really question an adventure, he told me to book it. The rest luckily, fell into place smoothly. By New Year’s Day, flights and rental car were booked, we even got my sister in law to join us, and we were headed to Oahu the very next month. WOO. HOO.

I think what I was most excited about, apart from the obvious (warm weather, ocean air, relaxation) was seeing the kids experience the ocean and all of its wonder.

As you can probably imagine, traveling with three small children in tow, has it’s challenges. We hit gold with our Airbnb though. It was a (private) attached guesthouse with our own lanai looking out over the water. Our host was an incredibly sweet 74 year old retired couple (Alvin and Pat), who had their 7 year old granddaughter (Averie) living with them. The kids instantly hit it off with her, and in no time at all Hayden referred to her as her Hawaiian sister. It felt like home away from home. With a full kitchen, we rarely ate out, and instead cooked majority of our meals at home. Each morning, everyone was up with the chickens in time to watch the sun rise up over the horizon. The kids would race out in their pajamas and swing, while the rest of us soaked in the warm morning sun and drank coffee. If I could bottle up a mood, it would be those very mornings. A fresh cup of coffee in my hand, the air humid from the early morning rain, the sounds of water lightly crashing up over the stairs leading from the yard, and the giggles of the kids racing to see who can swing the highest.

Alvin and Pat had paddle boards, kayaks, and an assortment of floaties available for us to use. We purchased sand toys for the kids to build sand castles, but ended up only having a couple beach days away from home. The rest of the time, we used the gear at the house to swim or paddle all around the bay. Arm lengths away from the kids running around the backyard. Steps away from our beds where little people could lay down and nap when they needed. We kept the fridge stocked with snacks and all our favorite sandwich fixings. Each night, we barbecued for dinner and eventually our new found friends started joining us, and it became something we looked forward to at the end of each day. We swapped stories and learned about each other’s home life. The kids got to see where Averie’s elementary school was, and Alvin brought over bowls of rice each night and even treated us to some incredible teriyaki beef he prepared. He had already lived such a full life and he and Andy had hours worth of stories they indulged in. He even unveiled his vintage cars and took Andy for a few rides during our visit.

The winters in Alaska are long. Often we get snow by October and this year it most likely won’t be completely melted for another month. If we are lucky. We needed a change. Sunshine and days spent in a single layer of clothing. There were a few days that we had wanted to take the kids to places like the Sea Life center or different parks, and we ended up bagging those plans and just staying at the house. Those days turned out to be my favorites times during the trip. The kids ran all over the yard and played. We made drinks and laid out in the sun. No agenda, no where to be. No one was worried about home work, laundry that needed to be done or dishes that sat in the sink. Our only priority was reapplying sunscreen.

Often we packed lunches and would head out for the afternoons, with no real plans. Usually finding a new beach was on the agenda, and we made sure to stop at the local fruit stands. Our fridge stayed stocked with fresh fruit and juice for each day. There were a couple days we did touristy stuff, but I’ll save those details for their own post. Each evening we returned home before the sun set, and prepped for dinner. Getting back in time to watch as the tide slowly crept out and we were able to go down below the yard and walk the small stretch of beach that appeared. The kids would scream and run from the small black crabs that would start to gather on the rocks, and each day I found a new piece of coral to add to my collection to take home.

Since coming home, there is rarely a day that the kids don’t ask about us returning to Hawaii. Especially as the snow continues to fall around us and spring is taking it’s sweet ol time arriving. It’s not hard to day dream about being back in paradise, so until then I’ll continue to look back at posts like this and revisit all the incredible memories we made.

Anyone else have the urge to make a cocktail now? Just me?

Turns out I’m not actually referring to the drink. Two of the three littles in our home got a little older this week. Hayden turned 7 and Waylon is now 7 months.

Ugh. My heart. To think where I was seven years ago when I first had Hayden, it’s a little surreal to see where we are now. Our lives are FULL. Full of so many beautiful moments and memories. Some days I miss when Hayden was little and squishy. She was the funniest toddler and the greatest sidekick. Now, I love to listen to her read and see her try so many new things. Friends from school call her on the phone and this marks the first year that almost her entire guest list for her birthday party is her school friends; I’ve only even actually met a couple of them. It will be a new experience for the both of us.

Waylon has now reached the stage where he is just flying through the milestones. He is SO CLOSE to crawling. Just a few more weeks and he’ll be cruising all over. Whether it is due to my own attempts at being more laid back, he is, majority of the time, so content. He travels really well, and car rides aren’t dreaded anymore. He sits with us at meal time and eats, and is growing like a weed. He has been in 12 month clothes for a while now, but he has already surpassed where his brother was at this age. He’s happy and snuggly, and even when he gets upset or cranky, he is easy to soothe. I would say we have definitely gotten over the really hard days, and even though our nights are still very interrupted with his wake ups, I throughly enjoy each and every day with him around. I can’t wait for this summer, with Hayden out of school, and Waylon on the move. It’s going to be one for the books.

I look around our home, and I see the high chair and baby toys scattered around on the floor. The kitchen counter is littered with cups and half eaten snacks. Usually toilet paper has gotten stuck to someone’s foot in the bathroom and has been drug through the hall. Fingerprints cover my sliding door and windows. And it was not all that long ago, that those things were just from Hayden. It isn’t so much that I’m in awe of how fast time has gone by, but how jam packed the last 7 years have been.

This go around will be the last time we see one of children learn to walk. The last one to potty train. The last time our hearts will explode from hearing ” ma ma” and “da da” for the first time. Simultaneously, we are seeing before our very eyes our baby girl change into someone who has thoughts, and opinions and strong feelings about many things. She wants to play with friends over hanging with us and I’m counting myself lucky that she even lets me help pick her clothes for school. She watches “tween” shows and blushes when she talks about certain boys from school. She is falling into her place in this world and it’s a joy to watch it happen.

On that note, I’ll leave you with this quote. It’s fitting for a time like now.

“Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them- a mother’s approval, a father’s nod- are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mother and father, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives. “

⁃ Mitch Albom

For as long as I can remember, waking up and immediately eating breakfast has never been my strong suit. Coffee, that’s a different story, but I need a few hours to really have any type of appetite. The hours between wake up and mid afternoon are my most productive and when the kids are most mellow, so I’m usually busy and when that brunch hour hits I’m STARVING. But I’m craving breakfast foods, which is why this salad is a perfect fit.

We had a few berry bagels left over from a bag Andy had gotten for me, and they were past their prime from the get go. Bagels are my soul food and not willing to let them go, I thought using them in a salad along with bacon, goat cheese and some fresh berries would taste so good. Turns out I was right.

After chopping the bagels into bite size pieces, I coated them in melted coconut oil, approx 1 tbsp. They baked in a 375 degree oven for about 20 minutes.

Now, the key to a perfect salad is that 1.) your ingredients are equally sized so you can get a little bit of everything with each bite and 2.) you don’t overdress it. Soggy greens= gross.

Sweet crunchy bagels bites, salty bacon and fresh berries paired with crisp greens, creamy cheese chunks and a tangy dressing create a dish that is a delicious segue from breakfast to lunch.

Coffee is on, who is ready to brunch?

You are halfway to celebrating your first birthday. I imagine that you will enjoy looking back at these pictures as much as your siblings do. Siblings that love you so much. They can’t get enough of you, from the second you wake up. Reid waits patiently beside you each morning to whisper “Good morning, bud!” and when he can, sneaks in kisses on your forehead after you have fallen asleep. Hayden constantly struggles to plant kisses all over you, but you are pretty wiggly these days and get out of her reach most times. Reid makes you giggle and screech and just a look at Hayden results in the biggest grin across your face. You sat up on your own the other night, between your dad and I, and played monkey in the middle with a beach ball. Arms stretched up high and loud cries of happiness, you all of sudden were so big. I placed your soft basket of toys next to you and you reached in, pulling out each one to chew on and then toss aside. In an instant, you changed so much.

You love sweet potatoes, squash and apples with cinnamon. I can tell when you don’t like something, when you stick your hands in your mouth, almost like you are trying to get some of it out. You will messily eat it anyway, as if not to hurt my feelings. I try my hardest to keep you in your crib at night, yet I wake up each morning with you snuggled up beneath my chin. There are times you get extra fussy and it takes work to get you to go to bed. Yet, it’s those nights I kiss your soft head the most. Squeezing you so much you start to stir and wake up. I force myself to lay you down so you can rest, saving those snuggles for some other time.

The kids wrestle and play and you scream along with them, just wanting to be in on the fun. Sharky nuzzles his nose on your lap and now you let him lick you, and you grab his fur. I’m certain he’ll be just as smitten with you as he is Reid. It is the age now where all you want is to be where we are, and you’ll start to whine if you see me when you’re being held by someone else. While it can be inconvenient at times, I know to enjoy it while it lasts. Soon you’ll be on the move and be ready to explore, not wanting to cuddle like you used to.

We adore you, Waylon Thomas, and can’t wait for our days ahead with you.

Waylon,

Happy half birthday. You have been with us six incredible months. Incredible in many ways. Incredibly tiring. Incredibly amazed at how big you’ve grown. Incredibly frustrating at times. Incredibly consumed with my love for you.

You are my last baby. I can promise you that. Your dad and I agreed that if you hadn’t come into our lives and we had made the choice to stop with your brother, we would have regretted it. You were a missing piece that we weren’t entirely sure we were missing. You have been loved since the minute we found out about you. But I can say with confidence that this time with you is the last time I’ll do the baby stage. I love each and every part of you and your siblings. I want to give you all my very best self. Some people are made for big families, handling it with grace and ease. With each new baby I have flailed a little bit more. Losing a little bit more of myself, for just a bit longer than before. I do always find my feet again. I find my rhythm and eventually each day is easier than the last. We all have to know our limits though and you are mine. You fill my heart up to the very tip top and I want to stop there. I’m overwhelmed often and never truly understood anxiety until I had children. Yet, each new day that overwhelming feeling slips slightly further away. You fuss less. Your naps are more predictable and easier to come by. Night time still is your kryptonite but we’re chipping away at it. You roll over and scoot around a little bit more. You smile and giggle more than ever. The way you light up just to see us, melts me every time. Your growing like a weed, already in 12 month clothing and you have a new fascination that keeps your attention from one day to the next. There is a strange comfort in the chaos because it means that life is happening and I’m trying desperately to draw it all in and remember every piece of it. I’m far from being a perfect mother to you, but you are nothing less than a perfect son to me. All you want from me is love and attention, and milk. Anyone that looks at you can tell you really like milk. A spitting image of your dad with your mama’s blue eyes, you are the sweetest baby brother. Our days wouldn’t be as crazy without you here, but they would certainly be filled with a whole lot less love. Thank you baby boy for coming into our family.

It’s somewhat of a long story, but the other day I found myself watching YouTubes of how to make foam art in your coffee. Just typing it makes me laugh out loud. -side note: I REFUSE to say LOL, and I challenge anyone to prove that I have ever used it in a text message. It goes against everything I stand for, which isn’t a lot but still- Okay, so watching these videos is so ridiculous for a couple reasons. I don’t have a fancy espresso machine, I have one but it’s really basic and I rarely use it and I don’t even have the right equipment to steam milk. I don’t ever buy drinks with fancy foam, in fact, I can confidently say I have never actually drank a cup of coffee with foam art. BUT the take away here is that one of these videos offered me an incredible quote. The barista was showing viewers how to accomplish a foam heart, fern and…. I actually don’t even remember the third one. While steaming the milk he dropped this truth bomb : “Foam art doesn’t signify quality, but it does show you the person making your coffee really cares.” Brilliant! That is basically my parenting in a nutshell. It’s not the best you’ve probably ever seen. But damn it, I put in a lot of effort. Effort that gets me this.

That right there is a boy who has repeatedly asked to watch a cartoon on Andy’s phone, and a girl, who snuck into my bag while I was taking pictures outside and discovered I had deleted every single app they used to watch on. Ha! We were headed to Sunday night family dinner and had a little time to burn. A few miles opposite of the direction we needed to go, there is a pullout that overlooks the inlet. We made our way there to watch the gorgeous sunset taking place. The kids were clearly not impressed and wouldn’t even get out of the car. We ended the night with pizza and games at their grandparents house. So eh, you win some, you lose some.

When I was pregnant with Hayden, I didn’t put a lot of thought into breastfeeding. There wasn’t a second thought that there was any other way. It was incredibly naive of me because it’s actually a task that is very daunting and often difficult for a lot of women. Being removed from social media, I didn’t have Facebook or Instagram at the time, meant the only input I had on the subject was conversations I had with people or the books I was reading. A combination of good fortune and lack of knowledge really, led me to able to breastfeed Hayden for her first year. It was painful and frustrating at times, but perseverance made it possible for me to do something that I honestly just expected my body to do. I now realize how truly fortunate I am. It’s hard. It doesn’t come easy for some, sometimes it’s not possible at all. There are countless variables to factor in. Is your supply sufficient? Is your diet affecting your milk? Does your baby have reactions to things you consume like dairy or soy? Then there are things like proper latch or if they are feeding properly. If not,  it can lead to mastitis or your supply drying up. All things considered, I’m glad I didn’t know any of this beforehand, or I probably would have thrown in the towel once it got tough. With both Hayden and Reid I had supply issues somewhere between six and ten months and we had to supplement with formula. By the time they both reached their first birthday, they were completely weaned from breastfeeding and we started them on whole milk. I had a wealth of information and experience by the time we had Reid. Enter reflux. He nursed wonderfully, and then would promptly throw it all up. I changed my diet, we experimented with feeding styles and sleep positions. Rice cereal with his bottled milk. Nothing really helped except time. He simply outgrew it. He, is where I began my journey with lactation supplements. Fenugreek, brewers yeast and lactation teas were among them. Some worked and some didn’t and in retrospect I believe other factors made the biggest difference. I started working out and cutting calories fairly early on, and attempted to have a feeding schedule. I pumped quite often and they were bottle fed more than Waylon has ever been. Plus, I didn’t take the supplements as directed. Rookie mistake.

So, with all that in mind, I made it my life purpose to try and make it through the full year without having to supplement. To date, Waylon is bigger than either of his siblings were at this point and I’m able to feed him and pump enough extra to freeze a small portion. Here’s how things are going down this time around.

NURSING ON DEMAND

Who likes schedules anyway?? It turns out your baby can lead the way on this one and will eat what they need, when they need it. For this guy that means basically around the clock, day and night. But I’ve noticed it’s helped tremendously in keeping my supply up.

NO DIETING AND/OR STRENUOUS EXERCISE

Your postpartum body is amazing. You grew and housed an entire HUMAN and it might be squishier and some things are bigger than usual, but it all shrinks back down and finds its place again. In six months, I haven’t set foot in the gym. I’ve kept active but it’s been very moderate and low key. I’ve also eaten literally whatever I feel like. Some days that means lots of good stuff and then there are times like this past weekend where I eat 6 donuts. I try and just keep a balance and drink lots of water. I’ve lost all of my baby weight plus an additional 5 lbs by simply being mindful and allowing my body to guide the way. I let go of the stress of trying to fit into all my clothes early on and embraced that I would always have time to get back in shape. I wouldn’t ever get back this first year with him though and the time I would nurse would go by quickly. It’s paid off greatly and it’s so far my best nursing experience yet.

TAKING SUPPLEMENTS CORRECTLY

It pays to do your research. Read as much as you can. Ask other moms what worked for them. Talk to your doctor or pediatrician. Taking Fenugreek can help your milk supply. On the bottle it tells you as a herbal supplement to take three daily. When you do more research, you’ll find you need to take anywhere from 6-9 tablets to notice an increase. In more than one article, it stated if your body starts to smell like maple syrup you’re taking enough. Good to know. Herbal lactation tea. Not one cup. Two to three if not more. Be aware of products your using or ingesting. Large amounts of peppermint can have an adverse effect on your milk supply. And of course, how your body reacts to methods might vary entirely different than someone else’s. My favorite tried and true way to increase my milk has been cookies. The recipe below I adapted from a couple different ones I’ve tried and perhaps you’ll find success with them also.

2 cups oats

1 1/2 cup almond flour (you can use all purpose flour if you prefer)

5 tbsp brewers yeast ( I order this one from Amazon)

3 tbsp ground flaxseed

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tbsp hemp protein powder (optional)

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp salt

12 tbsp softened butter

4 tbsp coconut oil

1 cup sugar

1 egg + 1 egg yolk, room temp

2 tsp vanilla

Add ins such as : chocolate chips, nuts or dried fruit

Combine your butter, oil, eggs, sugar and vanilla until smooth. In a separate bowl combine your dry ingredients excluding your oats and add ins. Slowly incorporate into your butter mixture until combined and then toss in your oats and extras. If you wish to bake them the same day, chill for at least an hour. Bake at 375 degrees for approx 8-9 minutes and let cool.

I personally like a really loaded, chunky cookie. My favorites to toss in are shredded coconut, dark chocolate chunks and walnuts. Brewers yeast tends to add a “savory” flavor to the dough so using almond flour in place of all purpose and lots of extras help balance that out. Hayden loves them, but Reid calls them gross. He also eats cold hot dogs though, so he lost his voting privileges a long time ago.

A little goes a long way, so my best recommendation is to make this recipe and freeze your dough. I found success in baking 5-6 cookies at a time, and eating those within a day or two. Usually by the end of the first day I notice a difference. Don’t beat yourself up that you just inhaled 5 cookies in a day. I only have to do this a couple times a month to help give my supply a needed boost. Using an ice cream scoop, portion out your dough and place them in freezer bags. Pull out what you need and bake for approx 10 minutes if baking immediately, while still frozen.

I’m not an advocate for breast is best. What’s best only you can determine. It’s hard work no matter what avenue you choose. Managing my own life, let alone the lives of three other small humans is stressful. So if all else fails, at least you have cookie dough to gorge on and wallow in your sorrows. Shout out to all you hard working mamas out there!

Disclaimer: Before taking ANY supplements speak with your doctor or healthcare provider. This post is 100% my opinion and my own personal experiences.

For every frame worthy photo I get of my children, there are about 15 I took before reaching that one. Most are blurry, or they aren’t looking or there is stuff going on in the background that ruins the shot. As they age though, they start to vocalize how much I annoy them in doing so. They start sweet and innocent, and then glare at me. Hide from me. Hayden’s go to is to either turn her face or she gives me a really awkward and uncomfortable smile. I get majority of my inventory from Reid. He’s my current bread winner. But he’s got some mileage on him and now gets a little testy, and lets me know by yelling at me to stop taking pictures.Do I?

Absolutely not. It builds character. And also gives me winners like this.

There was a heat wave this week. On this particular day it was 42 degrees. I needed to get the mail and I had promised to take the kids for ice cream at some point. It was warm enough I thought they would like to stop at the park, along with the dog. Clearly, they really enjoyed it. Hayden instantly fell in the creek. Don’t worry, it was ankle deep. She however, didn’t heed my warning of “that ice isn’t thick enough to cross, you’re going to”….. fall through. Her feet were now cold and wet and her enthusiasm was shot. Reid only wanted to swing. For the first 30 seconds and then, as you can see in the photo, just gave up on life. We made it ten minutes before we loaded up and went for ice cream. Which ended up being a root beer float for Hayden. The smallest size they had. Purchased with change from my car. Because I forgot my wallet, and Reid had fallen asleep anyway.I plan on making this a regular post. To remind myself how much my kids love me. Also, as a reminder on days when the going is rough, that I’m totally killing it at this parenting thing.